It’s hard to believe the Coronavirus pandemic has been going on for over a year, time has really flown by. For some of us this mandatory time at home was a jail sentence, for some it was an overdue vacation. I have to admit, at first I really was looking forward to some much need “vacation time”. As a man who started a family at a young age, my goal has always been, to take care of my family at any cost. This has meant working multiple jobs, working long hours, and being away from my family. So yes, this mandatory stay at home was a little exciting for me.
With the entire world at a stand still, it gave me a lot of time to really stop and see things for what they were. It brought up several thoughts: I had definitely been dedicating way too much of my time to working. We need to paint again. I didn’t appreciate family time enough. It also brought up questions: Where did that scratch on the hardwood floor come from? Who ate all the snacks? When did I become my parents? There was no explanation for the range and depth of my thoughts and questions, other than I had time on my hands and my mind was racing. I got quiet and the feelings I had suppressed for what feels like a lifetime, well they got loud.
I know I’m not the only one who struggled with anxiety and depression throughout this pandemic. But where did it come from? Like the virus, have these struggles been inside me the whole time just waiting to be “activated”? Was this anxiety and depression new to me? It forced me to stop and take a long hard look at my life. For as long as I could remember, I remembered feeling like this and it wasn’t because of everything going on around me in the world. No. I felt like this because this has been a generational curse throughout my family.
The weight of that realization and the honesty required to say it out loud, to finally acknowledge what was plaguing me, well, it really took a toll on me. There’s guilt and shame that comes along with honesty, sometimes. It shouldn’t be mine, but it was and I had to work through it. I’m still working through it. The pandemic shut down life as we knew it, but it also gave some of us an opportunity to open up and use that down time to begin the healing process.
More on generational curses, my journey to healing, and finding forgiveness. Coming soon.
So, tell me, did any of you find yourself going through the same thing? Would love to hear YOUR story — feel free to share in the comments below.
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